Uncertainty...

...it runs rampant on this college campus. On any college campus I'm sure. This is the time in our lives when we're supposed to figure out what we want to do, when we're supposed to have a plan. We're supposed to have an answer when we go home on weekends and holidays and people ask, "So, what are you going to do?" Whether it be for the rest of our lives, the summer, or even the rest of the semester, we just don't know! All feel the same, yet few are brave enough to admit it. Everyone envisions themselves graduating, getting a decent job (right after, if not before, graduation), and of course, getting the girl (or guy, as the case may be). Which is then followed by multiple years of babies, soccer games, and family trips to the Grand Canyon. We expect to live in nice houses with master bathrooms, drive the "Swagger Wagon," and be the house with the big TV and Tortino's Pizza Rolls that all the kids want to hang out in. We'll take our kids to Sunday School, pay our tithe, and help out with church dinners. We'll host dinner and Super Bowl parties, have a nice-smelling dog, and have well-behaved children. This, my friends, is success, is it not?

And if your life doesn't turn out like this? Well, you obviously did something wrong. You must have fallen asleep in class too often, or didn't purchase enough Toms. You certainly should have participated in TWIRP week. It's your own fault.

Right?

I actually can't say that I know a single person whose life plan has actually worked out for them. I do, however, know multiple seniors that, while they can't wait to get away from homework, community showers, and all-nighters, are scared to death. They don't know what comes next. Maybe that's why we have Super Seniors haha...

What is the point of all this rambling? Good question...I guess the main point is I don't know what to do. My college experience thus far has been a terrific rollercoaster of learning who I am in Christ and how to genuinely trust him. Do I always fully trust Him with everything? Ha. If I did then maybe I wouldn't be so stressed about the future. I shouldn't be so concerned that I've been trying to get another job since August and it hasn't happened yet. I shouldn't be wanting to immediately turn to student loans in despair. I shouldn't be freaking out about whether or not I'm hired as an R.A., and if I'm not, who I'll room with next year, or if my lack of finances with even allow me to return next year. Or if I'll even be able to pay off this semester. Why is my trust in Lord the dependent on my bank account? If He can handle creating the stars and keeping the universe on the right track, then why do I think He can't take care of one Kansas college kid?

I wish I could say that I fully trusted the Lord and mean it, but I guess for now all I can truthfully say is that I deeply desire to trust in the Lord and not in myself. I'm just not very good at it most of the time. I guess that's why we have the Spirit. Nothing's supposed to be in our own power.

Now to remember that...

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather in the barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? -Matthew 6:26