April Fools? I don't think so.

I don't believe in April Fool's Day. Haven't in ten years. It's a little hard to goof around on a day that changed almost every life around me at the time. April 1, 2001 seems like a lifetime ago. But I still remember. I remember the phone call, being sent to a friend's house, the uncertainty, the trips, the world being turned upside down. April 1, 2001 was when I first began to really trust God. It was the first time in my young life that life went out of control, yet I somehow knew that He was there the whole time, keeping the world in line, if even by a thread. I still don't know why it had to happen. Maybe I'll never know. I don't think of Matthew often, but sometimes it's just brought back to me. He should be here. He should be my brother's best friend. They should be playing at the park, swimming in the pool together. He should be in the van when we go to church camp. He should be playing in the band or running around the field. But he's not. April first. It comes every year. And I'll always remember.

Who am I?

Did I just referance a good-but-super-overplayed-several-year-old-song in the title? Well yes, but not on purpose. I don't know about you, but do you ever realize that a message/sermon/etc. is meant just for you? Probably, but do you then feel bad because God has to spend His time correcting you instead of helping all the other people that are much cooler and/or more messed up than you? I do. I'm terrible, I'll admit it. I feel horrible because I think "Man, I hope that I wasn't the only one needing to hear that, because if I am, then all of these other nice people just wasted a whole lot of their time just for me to learn a lesson..." You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. Everything I've heard recently has been about identity. Church, chapel, hall Bible study, airplanes writing in the sky...ok, I made that last one up, but really. I feel bad that all these people have to spend all this time trying to teach me something I should already know. A few months ago I started to buy the lie that I have to prove myself to the world. I have to be good enough for everyone. I have to be good enough for God. Guess what? I can't! I know I wrote about this not too long ago, but it's an issue I'm still dealing with. I have friends that are prettier, more talented, and more athletic than I am. But that doesn't detract my value, especially in God's eyes. I just have to keep telling myself that. I don't even think that's proper grammar. I shouldn't be concerned about anyone's opinion of me but God's. And His opinion is filtered through the blood of Jesus. So who am I? I'm covered. And you can be, too.

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's back to school we go...

Spring Break was very nice and...breakful. Now we are back at school. It's always funky the first few days after coming back. You don't know what time to get up, what time to go to bed, or what to do with the free time you have due to a temporary slight lack of homework. And then there's those awkward moments when you see all of the people you know for the first time, and you're not sure if you can hug some of them or not. So you do a weird high-fivey thing. Or the awkward wave. Either works. But there are also those awesome adopted-family-reunion moments. Those are the entertaining ones. Every one hugs and exclaims and is smiley. And that's just the boys. They get really excited to see each other... Random insertation: Patrick just announced that he wants to start a church named "Saltwater"

I have nothing to say...

When I started this blog I was fully planning on updating it with awesomeness EVERY day so as to keep the world breathless in anticipation of what grand things I should type next. That obviously happened. I apologize, world for letting you down.

On the bright side, wall-mate discovered that a herd of rhinos is called a crash. I find that to be a completely appropriate name for our group of friends as well. If you met them, you'd understand. I do love them, in case you're wondering.

Not that anyone is reading this by now, but have a nice day!

Sunriiiise, Sunset...

Don't get me wrong. Sunsets are very nice things. I like them a lot. They are pretty and romantic and nice. Until you are assigned to take pictures of them. Then they are just lousy and evasive. I need a sunset picture for Photo I on Tuesday. The first half of the week it rained. Thursday the sun came out. Yay, right? Actually, the camera was in the roommate's car. Roommate did not know stated fact, and went elsewhere. Roommate also locked her keys in the car shortly thereafter, thus making camera retrival somewhat difficult. Friday night I was somewhere longer than expected, didn't have my car, and so did not get the camera until approximately 3 minutes after sundown. Frustration? Yes. Tonight I was bound and determined to get said picture. However, this campus is in THE worst possible location for doing so. There is sooo much stuff in the way. So I had to venture into the unknown parts of town, on about a gallon or two of gas, in hopes of catching the sun. I think I did, but hopefully they don't all end up blurry due to lack of tripod. We shall see what we shall see. However, do not expect me to get excited about the vanishing of the sun anytime soon. The end.

Return of the blog

I fail.

I stink at blogging. I'm even worse at math. I can't sing. I don't make my bed. My roommate takes better pictures than I do. I stapled myself the other day. I finished an assignment 13 minutes before it was due and forgot part of it. I don't have a boyfriend. I forget to cover brownies and they go stale. I use "weak construction" in my essays. I spill things. I drop my phone all the time. I hardly ever wear makeup. I forget to text people back. I put off doing dishes and cleaning out the fridge. I get annoyed with people over little things. I never know what day it is. I have cheesey ideas for group projects. I don't eat vegetables. I own too many shoes. I spend too much money. I have never run a mile in less than 11 minutes.

I fail.

But you know what?

It's ok.

I can't do it.

But God can.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Isaiah 40:29

He gives me the ability to move on with life after bad grades, breakups, blowups, messes, and everything else I get myself into.

On my own, I'm never good enough.

I have nothing to offer.

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yes, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

Good thing I'm not on my own.

Because me + God is always enough.