Life may be beautiful...

...but people are weird.

Harsh? Not really. I am absolutely justified in this statement. Why, do you ask?

I have turned into a telemarketer. Of sorts.

Ironic, considering how bad I was at selling Girl Scout cookies.

My average conversation goes something like this:
Random person: Hello?
Me: Hi, is this so-and-so?
Random person: WHO IS THIS?!?

...I would be afraid to be friends with someone who always answered the phone in such a way. They must be very suspicious people.

The other day I called an older lady, told her who I was, and she responded, "NO WAY! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL ME FOR YEARS!!!" ...and then hung up.

Then there's that awkward moment when the person you are trying to call happens to be dead. Which actually happens quite often.

And there's people who have their phone under their son's name, even though he hasn't lived there for 20 years.

I frequently have elderly people tell me that they aren't going to live long enough to make switching insurance worth it.



...I don't understand.

School Pride Scholarship

I am studying Commercial Art and Digital Imaging and Southwest Baptist University in Bolivar, Missouri. This school has and will continue to contribute to my career path in a number of ways. The faculty and staff at SBU are all very personal, and as a result I have been able to more effectively learn in my classes and through my projects. They go out of their way to explain to students what all their chosen field of study includes, and what one needs to do in order to accomplish what one needs to both graduate and find a job after. SBU requires students to have at least one internship in their chosen field, which provides valuable work experience. Required internships also demonstrate to future employers that students are not simply “fresh out of college,” but have already been at work in their field, and are ready to competently join the work force. Another benefit of attending SBU is the school’s Christian morals. We are taught to include the Lord in everything we do, whether it be dorm life, school, or the work field. This raises both our standards and our expectations. We learn to be unwilling to compromise in even the small things, work hard, and to always do everything to the best of our abilities. We are taught to honor our professors, our employers, and all others in authority. We treat fellow students, coworkers, and customers with respect and are willing and ready to serve them when needed. SBU places an emphasis on students being “servant leaders in a global society.” The school desires for students to be strong enough to lead in any situation, yet humble enough to serve at the same time. Race, gender, and social status have no bearing on our interactions with others, be it in a work environment, or otherwise. In all of these things and more, Southwest Baptist University is influencing me and my fellow students in our chosen careers. We are learning to deal with people, how to serve them, and how to succeed. I am grateful to be attending a school with high standards and with faculty that is unwilling to compromise.

This scholarship is sponsored by CenturyLinkQuote.com.

Uncertainty...

...it runs rampant on this college campus. On any college campus I'm sure. This is the time in our lives when we're supposed to figure out what we want to do, when we're supposed to have a plan. We're supposed to have an answer when we go home on weekends and holidays and people ask, "So, what are you going to do?" Whether it be for the rest of our lives, the summer, or even the rest of the semester, we just don't know! All feel the same, yet few are brave enough to admit it. Everyone envisions themselves graduating, getting a decent job (right after, if not before, graduation), and of course, getting the girl (or guy, as the case may be). Which is then followed by multiple years of babies, soccer games, and family trips to the Grand Canyon. We expect to live in nice houses with master bathrooms, drive the "Swagger Wagon," and be the house with the big TV and Tortino's Pizza Rolls that all the kids want to hang out in. We'll take our kids to Sunday School, pay our tithe, and help out with church dinners. We'll host dinner and Super Bowl parties, have a nice-smelling dog, and have well-behaved children. This, my friends, is success, is it not?

And if your life doesn't turn out like this? Well, you obviously did something wrong. You must have fallen asleep in class too often, or didn't purchase enough Toms. You certainly should have participated in TWIRP week. It's your own fault.

Right?

I actually can't say that I know a single person whose life plan has actually worked out for them. I do, however, know multiple seniors that, while they can't wait to get away from homework, community showers, and all-nighters, are scared to death. They don't know what comes next. Maybe that's why we have Super Seniors haha...

What is the point of all this rambling? Good question...I guess the main point is I don't know what to do. My college experience thus far has been a terrific rollercoaster of learning who I am in Christ and how to genuinely trust him. Do I always fully trust Him with everything? Ha. If I did then maybe I wouldn't be so stressed about the future. I shouldn't be so concerned that I've been trying to get another job since August and it hasn't happened yet. I shouldn't be wanting to immediately turn to student loans in despair. I shouldn't be freaking out about whether or not I'm hired as an R.A., and if I'm not, who I'll room with next year, or if my lack of finances with even allow me to return next year. Or if I'll even be able to pay off this semester. Why is my trust in Lord the dependent on my bank account? If He can handle creating the stars and keeping the universe on the right track, then why do I think He can't take care of one Kansas college kid?

I wish I could say that I fully trusted the Lord and mean it, but I guess for now all I can truthfully say is that I deeply desire to trust in the Lord and not in myself. I'm just not very good at it most of the time. I guess that's why we have the Spirit. Nothing's supposed to be in our own power.

Now to remember that...

Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather in the barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? -Matthew 6:26

To the men.

I would like to say thank you to the men.

The men who, regardless of if they have girlfriends or not, treat us as something valuable. The men who open doors and save us with snacks when we're starving. Who bring us whatever it is we forgot. The men who comfort us when we cry and tease us when we're happy. Who are willing to save us from creepers. Who give us jackets and go on adventures with us. Who aren't afraid to be honest with us. The men who love the Lord.

Thank you. Men like you may be considered rare, and we may not always tell you, but you are appriciated, and you are valued. Even if you aren't the ones we choose to date, you give us hope, and we love you. You don't know it, but when you aren't around we talk about how lucky the girl that gets you will be.

Keep it up.

Are we good enough for each other?

(yay for the first post of 2012 finally making an appearance!)

Why can we never be good enough for one another?

We can't play the right sports, wear the right clothes, sit at the right table, live in the same dorm, have the right major, have the right job, etc.

I don't get it. I really don't. All I know is that the Lord called us to love one another, and stereotyping and discriminating are not ways to accomplish this. I am by no means saying that I'm great at loving other. I'm just really tired of having to constantly defend one friend to another. I understand that no everyone gets along. I just wish people would stop assuming that where someone lives, how they dress, or if they like videos games defines them.

I go to a Christian college. One would think that everyone here is friends with everyone. That we all love one another. That we are all seeking to grow together as a Body. But the more people I meet, and the more friends I make, the more I realize this isn't true. Christians have just as many cliques as everyone else. Maybe more. Why is it that we can't see past the surface, or even the rumored stereotypes, and love people for who they are? The Lord has created each and everyone of them-and us-as unique and valuable individuals. We weren't meant to be defined by our lunch tables, our jobs, or our dorms. We were meant to be defined by who we are in Christ, and we were meant to show that value and that love to the rest of the world. Why should anyone consider following Christ if those who already do are just as mean, catty, and rude as everyone else? Why aren't we different?

Jesus didn't hang out with the cool crowd. Jesus hung out with sinners, taxcollectors, orphans, and widows. The social rejects. So maybe it's time we stopped rejecting them and started befriending them and getting to know them. It's time we stopped forcing people to try and be good enough for us.


It's time to love.

I have.

I have enough music on my iTunes to last two and a half days.

I have enough junk food in my room to last a week or two.

I have enough shirts in my closet to last at least six weeks.

The Lakota children of South Dakota are thrilled to get a small box or bag of cheap toys, gloves, and hotel shampoo for Christmas.

Yay America.

I don't know what I'm doing

I have a confession to make.

I am not perfect. I do not have it all together. As a matter of fact, I don't have anything together.

I know, shocking, right?

At this point I'm pretty sure if anyone is actually reading this they are rolling their eyes. I have that effect on people. Just kidding. But seriously. Feel free to quit reading my ramblings at any moment. I'll never know, I promise.

*disclaimer* I am in no way saying not to talk to me. I am always available and willing to spend time with and invest in you. I just think that sometimes you're looking for answers in the wrong place.

A friend told someone the other day that I'm always in an awesome mood and never have any problems to talk about. Another friend told me I can have any guy I want on campus. People (sometimes) seem to think I'm awesome. I don't really know where they get this idea from. In my mind, I am the frazzled, tired, super busy girl who may or may not be wearing makeup/have done something with the hair/have matching socks. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know where I'm going half the time (thank goodness my mind sends me to the right buildings out of habit!). There are plenty of days when I feel awesome, on top of things, and attractive. And then there are days when all I hope is that no one will talk to me, nothing will come up, and I can hide in 203 for hours. However, the Lord hasn't called me to be a hermit (big shocker, huh?). I thrive on people, and I want each and every one of you to know just how absolutely wonderful and worth it you are. I'm in a great mood most of the time because I'm surrounded by the awesome creations of the Lord, and it honestly blows my mind. Sometimes I feel like I have to hold it together for the sake of all those around me, and at the same time I feel like everyone can that that is all I am trying to do. I love you all dearly, believe me, but I cannot be what you think you need me to be. You all don't need me. I can't hold it together for you. If you look up to me, I promise you'll be disappointed. The Lord created you, and He loves you more than you can even begin to imagine. He is singing over you in the stars, in the wind, in the leaves changing colors. He wants to be the One you depend one, and He wants you to realize that you are valuable and adored. There is nothing more satisfying that coming to that awesome realization. I wish this for each and every one of you, which is why I try to convey my love for you continually, but again, I can't do it all, I can't be it all for you.

But I can always show you who can.

<3